Get Your Rosaries Off My Ovaries

[TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of abortion]

[written as a cis woman, using the term ‘women’ to refer to all uterus-having people]

Let’s imagine for a moment that we live in a parallel universe in which the following occurs:

A man – we’ll call him Frank – wants to get a vasectomy, to prevent him from producing any children. He has made this choice freely, after considering the alternatives – abstinence, contraception, or baby-making. It is his legal right to have this procedure if he wants it, provided that two doctors sign a form confirming that not having the procedure would be damaging to either his physical or mental health. He goes to a specialist clinic, run by trained professionals, to discuss the possibility of having the procedure. When he arrives at the clinic, he is met by a group of people wielding placards with passages from the Bible and graphic photos of dead sperm. They are photographing and filming the men entering the clinic, and some are ‘praying’ loudly. A female protester approaches him and begs him to change his mind, ‘think of the potential human life you are carrying in your testes right now! You have other options you know, why interfere with god’s work? You should keep producing babies, and if you don’t want them you can give them away and give an infertile couple the precious gift of life! If you do this you will regret it forever, and you’ll probably see dead babies in your dreams.’ Frank feels a little intimidated by the protesters, who insist that they are only trying to save his soul, and begins to feel anxious about the decision he has to make. Eventually he plucks up the courage, goes inside and books himself in for the procedure. A week or so later he has his vasectomy, but doesn’t tell any of his family or friends that he’s having it done because he’s scared that they won’t approve, and anyway, it’s just not something people talk about.

Obviously, none of that would ever happen. This is because we live under patriarchy. Men’s decisions about their own bodies are respected. Heterosexual Men are not punished for expressing their sexuality. Men are not told how to dress, where to go and how to behave in order to avoid being sexually assaulted. Men do not have to face the prospect of carrying an unwanted foetus inside their bodies.

Why then, do so many men (and women) feel that it is their right to tell me what I can and cannot do with my own reproductive organs? If their main concern is ‘protecting life’ couldn’t their time and energy be better spent trying to prevent war, famine and poverty than standing outside a BPAS clinic waving pictures of aborted foetuses? (which, by the way almost always depict late term abortions, only allowed when medically necessary) Don’t they understand that for centuries, women have been terminating unwanted pregnancies, and that making abortion illegal will only make it dangerous? Is my life less valuable than that of a cluster of cells inside my uterus? The fact that these questions even have to be asked is deeply disturbing. The right of a human being to determine what goes on inside their own body should be a no-brainer. Unfortunately, women are still reduced to baby-machines and sex objects, and it’s ok to take rights away from an object, right?

The tactics of the Anti-Choicers are what I find the most difficult to stomach. Religious freedom means freedom to believe in whatever God and accompanying set of values you choose. It does not mean freedom to impose that set of beliefs upon others through legislation or intimidation. If you believe that a law should be changed, write to your MP. This is a democracy, so use the appropriate platform to make your case, and allow the opposition to respond. Do NOT intimidate women who are simply using their legal right to a safe medical procedure. Do not use misinformation and scare tactics to shame those who have had or are considering an abortion. And do not pretend that your actions come from a place of Christian goodwill, when they cause so much suffering.

Think for a moment about what you are doing, put down the photoshopped foetus, walk away from the BPAS clinic and get out of my womb.

Dear PETA: stop demeaning women.

Animal rights group PETA has never been afraid of controversy. This in itself is no bad thing; bold direct action and shocking campaigns are a useful tactic for any pressure group. However I, like many other women, have had enough of PETA and the seemingly endless stream of misogyny emerging from their publicity department. Their recent efforts include the ‘Wear bare skin, not fur’ campaign, apparently encouraging women to remove their pubic hair to show their commitment to animal rights.

Another poster that brought PETA heavy criticism depicted Pamela Anderson’s body divided up into cuts of meat.

The latest advert shows a woman carrying groceries, wearing a neck brace and limping. She looks fragile and in obvious pain, and it is revealed that her boyfriend has recently gone vegan and is now capable of ‘knocking the bottom out of her’ in the bedroom. At the end of the advert the woman has a wry smile, implying that she enjoyed the violent sex that caused her injuries. The message can more or less be summarised as: ‘go vegan and you’ll be able to damage your girlfriend’s body, and what’s more, she’ll bloody LOVE it.’

I am fully supportive of PETA’s aims. I am against the testing of cosmetics on animals, I am against the killing of animals for fur, and I am extremely concerned about the treatment of animals in the food industry. However, I am also deeply concerned about the continuing sexism in the media, and the culture of sexual violence which it helps to perpetuate. I don’t think I should have to choose between the two.

I presume that the thinking behind these campaigns is that by equating animals with women, they are encouraging us to recognise that ‘animals have rights too’. Unfortunately the effect is not to raise the status of animals, but to demean women, and by focussing ONLY on women rather than ‘humans’, they are reflecting and condoning the misogynistic attitudes displayed in most of the mainstream media.

It is baffling and extremely disappointing that PETA can’t manage to raise awareness of animal cruelty without resorting to tired sexist tropes and likening women to pieces of meat. Until they radically change their attitude and tactics, they will not be receiving any money from me.

Stats from my first year of blogging:

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 4,500 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 4 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

‘Dislike’ – Rape Culture rears its ugly head… again.

Anyone who has spent any time in the Feminist blogosphere will probably have read countless posts on Rape Culture. I’m not going to attempt to summarise all of these, I’m just adding my voice to the discussion after coming face to face with Rape Culture the other night.

I watched (and thoroughly enjoyed) A Night With Beyoncé on ITV. Afterwards I went on facebook and was greeted with the following status from a boy who was in my year at school:

“Is anyone up for raping/gangraping beyonce with me and happily doing the time for it? Haha”

The reaction from the guy’s friends? 19 likes and comments like ‘HAHAHAHA!’ and ‘dibs on backdoor!’. I decided to leave a comment explaining that the status was inappropriate, offensive and harmful. After getting the inevitable ‘it was only a joke!’ replies I gave the following explanation of Rape Culture:

’1) comedians doing it doesn’t make it ok…
2) rape jokes contribute to rape culture (the culture in which 1 in 4 women suffers sexual violence, only 6% of reported rapes get a conviction and victims are held responsible for being raped)
3) when asked, rapists believe that most other men are rapists. Hearing rape jokes only reinforces this belief and makes them think that what they are doing is acceptable.
4) it’s not even funny.’

It was after this that things started to get (even more) nasty. I got a barage of comments (all from men) telling me I was stupid and unimportant, and continuing to crack HILARIOUS jokes about how they were all rapists. One comment that was particularly disconcerting came across as a threat against me: ‘ I’ve got her tied up here in Leeds if ya fancy sloppy seconds? Maybe Ruth can get involved…’ After a while I was furious and didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere, so I posted a link to an article on rape culture, reported the status to Facebook and left the conversation. (I doubt any of them read it but hopefully someone else might).

I’m used to seeing stupid rape ‘jokes’ on facebook. The most upsetting, infuriating and disturbing thing was that when challenged, not only did they not apologise, they carried on advocating rape in more and more graphic ways. Knowing that these attitudes are held by young men my age is genuinely frightening to me, and I don’t even know what to say about the 3 girls who ‘liked’ the status.

Facebook has recently shown its unwillingness to ban pro-rape pages, so I don’t expect them to take any action. What facebook, comedians, magazines and the rest of the media fail to understand is that rape jokes and victim blaming contribute in a very real way to a culture in which rape is allowed to continue with such shocking conviction rates. Until everyone understands this and takes it seriously, we will not see an end to rape and sexual violence.

Tired of Fighting

Every so often I have a moment that I’m sure other Feminists have too. It is the moment of sheer exasperation and exhaustion after an argument with (usually) a man. I will have brought up an issue or government policy that I am concerned about. He will then tell me that it isn’t important, or I’ve got my facts wrong, or that it’s fine because ‘we’re equal now’. He will treat it as a detached, academic discussion and be surprised when I become angry and upset.

I am fed up. Fed up of constantly having to fight my corner. Fed up of having to convince people that ‘wimmin’s issues’ are PEOPLE’S issues. Fed up of being dismissed with ‘oh here she goes again!’ when I try to make a point. I honestly don’t think that what I’m asking for is that controversial, but for some reason men – even supposedly educated, liberal thinking, non-sexist men – want to challenge EVERY point I make. When I offer them statistics they dismiss them, and when I offer them my own experiences they say ‘well you’re just unlucky’ or some such nonsense. They refuse to believe that we are not yet equal.

All this is frustrating and exhausting, but when I look at the bigger picture things get even worse. The fact that in 2011, we are still fighting for our reproductive rights and equal pay, still being held responsible for our own sexual assault, still not properly represented in our political system… it’s just too much. There are too many things to fight for at once (and that’s without even mentioning the conditions of women in other countries). I want to scream at everyone ‘BUT WE’RE HALF THE POPULATION! LISTEN TO US!’. I find myself thinking ‘What’s the point? We are constantly battling this system that is never going to let us win.’

Sometimes the weight of it all just gets too much and I buckle for a second. Just a second. And then I pull myself together and carry on.

Where I stand on Porn

[CONTAINS EXPLICIT AND POTENTIALLY DISTRESSING LANGUAGE]

So. Porn. It’s an issue that I’ve become increasingly intrigued and concerned about of late, and I decided it was time to blog about it. Before I start, let me just say that my objections to porn aren’t from a prudish ‘think of the children!’ perspective. I am not in favour of censorship, and would absolutely describe myself as a ‘sex-positive’ Feminist, if we insist on using such terms. For example, I don’t share the view that all heterosexual sex is essentially exploitative (this is a rare view but I have seen it around) and I think that open and frank discussion of sex is healthy and important.

Pornification and sexualisation have become utterly pervasive in our culture. Adverts constantly use ‘sexy’ women to sell their products, women in films aimed at men are conventionally attractive and more often than not have several gratuitous nudity scenes. The overwhelming message from the media is that women’s bodies are there for public consumption, a message which is inextricably linked to the porn industry.

Most people wouldn’t view Lad’s Mags like Nuts and Zoo as porn. They’re ‘Men’s Lifestyle’ magazines, which feature sport and stories as well as pictures of naked women. But they are part of the same industry, and are inherently sexist. The toned, airbrushed naked women who smile seductively from the pages are nothing more than objects for the enjoyment of men. Sex is portrayed as something that men are entitled to, and that is freely available whenever they want it. Even the articles on ‘pleasing your woman’ are aimed at boosting the male ego rather than genuine consideration of women’s feelings and desires. Even women’s magazines such as More collude in this: they are full of paparazzi snaps of celebrity ‘bikini bodies’, and every lifestyle article includes advice on how to please ‘your man’ or if you don’t have one, how to get one. These magazines present an extremely narrow view of sex and relationships, which cannot be having a positive effect on the way young men and women view themselves and each other.

Of course, one of the main objections to the porn industry is the treatment of the women involved. People who don’t watch porn – or haven’t watched it for several years – may not be aware of the sort of acts that are now commonplace, especially on the internet. At best, porn sex is dull, formulaic and unrealistic, but it can be so much worse. In Gail Dines’ book Pornland, she outlines how competition between companies within the industry, combined with the huge range of porn available on the internet, has driven everything towards the more hardcore. This is confirmed by porn producers, who tell Dines that they have to keep making more extreme films in order to be ‘fresh’ and exciting, as well as young men I have spoken to. Some of the acts now carried out in mainstream porn are brutal. Women are routinely being choked and hit, and having penises shoved down their throats until they gag or even vomit whilst being penetrated by several men at once. A less physically painful but particularly degrading trend is ‘Bukkake’, where a man (or several) ejaculates on a woman’s face, breasts or other body parts. Sometimes the women are made to drink the semen of several men, which often causes them to vomit. All this is accompanied by verbal abuse; the woman is addressed as ‘whore’, ‘cunt’, ‘cum-hole’, ‘bitch’ and every other vile misogynistic term you can think of.

People will often say that these women are choosing to do it, that they enjoy being treated this way. I’m sure there are some women for whom performing in porn is a free choice, and they are completely comfortable with what they are doing, but frankly the exploitation in the industry is glaringly obvious. In the documentary Hardcore, we follow Felicity, a British woman who travels to L.A to make money as a porn star. She starts off with very clear boundaries, there are things that she refuses to do. But during the film we see how the lines become blurred, and consent becomes impossible. Her agent – who makes more money the more she is prepared to do – and the film producers (all male) push her further and further, putting her in situations where she feels obligated to do things she is not comfortable with. The most harrowing scene in the film is where she is taken to meet Max Hardcore, a notorious porn star who is currently in prison. She only agrees to a meeting, but is intimidated and pressured into doing a photo shoot. When Max forces himself down her throat she runs away crying, but he manipulates her into carrying on by saying things like ‘you don’t want to let all these people down do you?’ and ‘you’re doing this for your little girl remember?’

It is hard for me to imagine how on earth anyone finds this anything other than horrific and upsetting, let alone sexy. But in her book Dines quotes men posting in online forums who express their pleasure in the scenes where the woman is crying, in obvious pain, vomiting or has visible anal damage. These men are not rare warped individuals, they are ‘normal’.

Apart from the devastating physical and mental effects on the women involved, what are the effects of all this on the rest of us? The fact is that even young men who watch porn are starting to express concerns about the content. A recent BBC survey found that almost a quarter of young men are worried about the kind of porn they watch, and that heavy porn use can have negative effects on relationships. The language used in porn (bitch, whore etc) is used to dehumanise the woman, to remove the sense that she is a human being and could easily be the watcher’s sister or girlfriend. Indeed, when I speak to young men about the effects porn might be having on them, they inevitably reply: ‘But they’re not REAL women, I’d never do that to my girlfriend.’ This in itself is concerning, because they ARE real women. It is disturbing that men can so easily detach themselves and view these women as sub-human. But the fact is that porn is having an impact on people’s relationships. At the UK Feminista Summer School I spoke to Matt McCormack Evans – founder of the Anti-Porn Men Project – and he told me that men have come to him and said that they find themselves pushing their girlfriends to do things they aren’t comfortable with. I don’t want to go into details here, but I myself have had a request from a young man to do something which I felt was degrading, and I’m sure he had seen in porn. I refused.

Although most women don’t even watch porn, we are still affected by it. As a young woman, I feel pressured to look and behave a certain way if I want to have any kind of sex life with men my age. If I get into a ‘romantic situation’ with someone, I am aware in the back of my mind that he probably watches porn. Even if it isn’t the sort of porn I described above, I still think ‘what has he been watching? Have I got to be like them?’ and I’m sure I can’t be the only woman who has these thoughts.

The average boy watches porn for the first time aged 11. Young girls simply assume that all the boys they know watch it. We are all exposed to it so young that we are not allowed to discover our sexuality for ourselves; boys generally see porn way before they get anywhere near a woman, and girls are aware of what their male friends are watching before we are ‘sexually active’. There is going to be a whole generation of people whose early sexual experiences feel like a performance, doing what they think they should be doing, rather than what feels right for them.

I am worried about the effects porn is having on my generation of young men and women. I also don’t believe that women can achieve full equality while some of us are being subjected to degradation, humiliation and physical pain for the entertainment of men, which is why I am anti-porn, or at least the type of porn watched by most men.

UK Feminista Summer School 2011

Last weekend I attended the UK Feminista Summer School, along with over 400 other Feminists from around the country – and even the world. It was a weekend of workshops, talks and networking, designed to provide activists with the tools and contacts necessary to help us move forward. It was the first time I had attended a Feminist event on anything like this scale, and my expectations were very high as I made the journey to Birmingham.

The media – certainly from what I have seen – has been portraying FemSchool as a ‘boot camp’ aimed at the next generation of activists; a place to train up young Feminists like myself. In fact, the age range at the event was very diverse; there were girls younger than me, women in their 30s and 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond. Looking around it was impossible to say that any age group had a majority. This meant that, rather than young activists being ‘taught’, the atmosphere was one of mutual discussion and sharing of ideas and experiences. From my own point of view as a younger woman, I didn’t feel intimidated or patronised by the older women. Instead there was a sense of everyone having something to contribute to the debate and valuable skills and experiences to share.

On the subject of diversity, I’m afraid that while the age range was wide, other aspects of the event were lacking. The majority of the delegates were white, and although there were several speakers from groups like Southall Black Sisters, I would have liked to see more ethnic diversity. Another concern was the complete lack of discussion of LGBT issues, or acknowledgement of the place of Transgender people in the movement. Several people I spoke to over the weekend felt uncomfortable about this, and hopefully it is something that UK Feminista will think carefully about. If our movement is to succeed, it must succeed for ALL of us. This means that we ALL need to be a visible and active part of discussions and events like this.

I wondered before I went to FemSchool if there would be any men. Obviously I am aware that there are Feminist men, but I wasn’t sure if they would feel that this event was ‘for’ them. I did see a few men over the weekend –all white, as far as I could tell – and more young men than I had expected. I don’t want to dwell too much here on the issue of men in Feminism – I feel it needs a whole post to itself – but it was an issue that came up again and again over the weekend. There were some women who strongly advocated women-only spaces and groups, those who were eager to get as many men involved as possible, and plenty between. Matt McCormack Evans, founder of The Anti-Porn Men Project led a workshop on ‘Mobilising Men in Feminist Activism’ which I attended and was heavily over-subscribed. I was interested to hear what he had to say, as I’ve had some experiences recently of trying to engage young men and meeting with a fair bit of resistance. There was something slightly uncomfortable about a man running a talk at a Feminist weekend and standing in front of us like a teacher for most of it, but (in my opinion) he managed to avoid coming across as patronising. He suggested ways to get men thinking about Patriarchy and its negative effects on them, such as the high male violent crime rates resulting from the notion of ‘masculinity’. He suggested this as a way of making men realise that Feminism helps everyone, not just women. I can see how this could be a useful practical strategy to hammer it into men’s heads that Patriarchy is not a good thing, but there is something about it that makes me feel uncomfortable. If the only way to get men to join us is to make them see what’s in it for them, haven’t we already lost? I do see though, that there is a place for men in the movement – it is naïve to think that we can end violence against women without attempting to engage the group that is perpetrating it – and I do have a lot of respect for Matt and all the work he has done and continues to do.

As well as interesting debate, the programme of talks and workshops provided useful information and practical skills. One which I found particularly useful was the workshop run by Laurie Penny on using the media. I know people have different opinions on Laurie’s politics and journalistic style, but personally I have always found her to be spot on as far as Feminism goes. She was able to offer some interesting insights and discussion points on the issue of media representation, as well as practical tips for activists to do with our relationship with the press, and ways to take control of the way we are represented. It was very much a group discussion rather than a talk, and everyone had a chance to contribute. There was a woman in the group from Women’s Views On News, which I hadn’t heard of but sounds like a valuable resource for getting our message out. I came out of the workshop feeling much more equipped to deal with the media in future.

I came away from FemSchool with fire in my belly. The talks on ‘Defending Reproductive Rights’ and ‘Women and the Cuts’ felt like a call to arms, giving us the facts and the motivation to take immediate action. This is certainly what I intend to do and I now feel better equipped for it than before. The impression I left with overall was positive. As someone who hasn’t spent much time in this sort of environment before, it felt empowering and liberating to be surrounded by so many women (and men) who were angry about the same things I’m angry about. Sometimes we just need confirmation that ‘I am not the only one’. A powerful moment for me was the after-party on Saturday night, where I found myself dancing in a bar with a group of women. I realised it was SO rare for me to be able to go out, drink and dance without worrying about the ‘male gaze’. We were able to completely let go and enjoy ourselves without worrying what men would think or whether anyone would feel us up. It was a safe, misogyny-free parallel universe which I was sad to leave behind. As Feminists, we may not agree on everything, but the sense of Sisterhood that characterised this weekend was strong. Feminism is back. (Not that it ever really left).

An Unashamed Twaddict.

Anyone who knows me will know that I am a little bit obssessed with Twitter. I tweet about everything from wardrobe dilemmas to politics to major life events, in fact I would say it has become second nature to tweet my life as it happens. But why do so many people (like me) feel the need to endlessly update strangers on what they are thinking/doing/listening to/getting angry about?

Twitter is more than a ‘social network’, it’s a 24 hour news service. If you follow the right tweeters, it’s possible to get all the latest news before any of the major news websites or TV channels. This has been particularly noticeable during the recent hacking business (dubbed #hackgate on Twitter) when new allegations seemed to be emerging by the minute. Hashtags (phrases preceded by a #) make it possible to instantly see an entire stream of tweets about a particular subject, opening up communication across the world. For example, the recent protests in Spain got barely any coverage on the BBC or other UK-based news channels. I tweeted asking for an update on what was happening – using the relevant hashtags – and within minutes I was having a conversation with someone who was tweeting from the protest in Barcelona. Obviously this kind of information is unverified and not necessarily entirely reliable, but it does provide instant updates on fast-moving situations that the mainstream media cannot keep up with.

Another use for Twitter is what has become known as ‘Armchair Activism’. I have signed countless petitions that have appeared in my twitter feed and that I would never have been aware of otherwise. An example of what can be achieved this way is UK Uncut. They have created a huge network of people, without formal membership which can be off-putting, largely organised through Twitter. Anyone can tweet an idea for an action, and that tweet can be seen and shared by thousands of people. People can also tweet during a protest, keeping everyone updated on the activities of the police, and letting those unable to attend know what is going on. I am definitely not the first to suggest that Twitter has changed the nature of protest in recent times.

As well as having these important functions, Twitter is a social network. It is a place to connect with like-minded people. As a member of Labour Students, I have found it very useful to be able to follow and chat to other members across the country. I also seem to have formed various little groups of people I tweet fairly regularly, have in-jokes with and (I think) some genuine friendships. Sometimes it can feel a bit like a group therapy session; someone will tweet about an emotional problem, or just be feeling a bit down, and there is always someone out there to chat to or share funny cat pictures with. This immediate connection with another person is what I really love about Twitter, and because tweets are public it never feels risky.

Honestly, it’s just fun. Some of my tweet are serious, but a lot are decidedly whimsical. My timeline is full of ‘eccentric’ tweeters, but I think one deserves a particular mention. Daniel Welsh aka @sillyolddaniel has recently wowed the Twittersphere with his relentless quest to find out what celebrities think about his hair. His tactics are simple: follow celebrities, and as soon as they tweet something, tweet them about his hair until they give in. This culminated in a mission to get Nadine Coyle (the Irish one from Girls Aloud) to express her opinion on his barnet, which many of his followers (including myself) heartily joined in with. You can follow the saga and see it’s conclusion on his blog here. I ask you, where would the world be without people like him??

This is probably the least insightful and challenging blog I’ll ever write, but honestly I just wanted to publicly declare my love for Twitter, and encourage everyone to join in. It’s brilliant.

If you’re not already following me, I’m @ruthie_dee

Hooray for the good ones!

As an antidote to my last post about young men who are utterly rubbish, here is a cheering post from a young man who is one of the good ones. His name is Nick, and his blog (which this post is from) can be found here.

I often get told I can’t be a feminist because I’m a man. Really? Feminism literally means gender equality. Surely that’s a goal to which we can all aspire. Women have been pushed down in the world since the beginning of time. Men have spent all of history trying to largely reduce the role of women to childbirth and homemaking.

Women are judged solely on their appearance every day. One national newspaper greets its audience with a barely adult set of breasts. Women are expected to look desirable every second of the day, and are expected to wear heavy makeup to work, whilst wearing stratospherically high heels.

Women are blamed every day for their own rape. Don’t believe me? Read the comments on any article about one. Women are told not to go out alone at night, not to drink or wear short skirts or low cut tops, just in case a man can’t control himself enough to force you to have sex against your will. They will be pressed on their sexual history and their economic background, yet no-one will question the same of the man.

Women are constantly halted in having control over their own bodies. There are attempts in Parliament currently to try and lessen the number of weeks a woman can have an abortion at, because some people seem to value a clump of cells over a human being. Even when she goes through with it, she’ll be told she’s making a mistake and will regret it thanks to trash like Heat and the Mail.

Women have been kept at home, out of the workplace, and are paid less when they get there. They may not get there if they happen to be in their late twenties because she may dare to start a family. She will be told to deal with harassment and sexist remarks, because, hey, that’s the way it’s always been, sweetheart.

Women are constantly being seen as lesser human beings, who you can treat with no respect whatsoever, because women are just there for men’s entertainment, yeah? So it’s perfectly fine for men to shout out to strangers to sit on their face. Obviously.

Isn’t it sort of time we were just a bit…nicer?

What’s the matter with young men?

Many of us like to think that we are living in an age in which people are reasonably educated and ‘enlightened’. Although we recognise that we still have a fair way to go in terms of things like the gender pay gap, we like to think that the old fashioned views are dying out. I am becoming increasingly worried that this is not the case.

Since starting university I’ve had a lot of interactions with young men. Young men of the same generation as young women like me who have always been told that we can do or be anything we want. Young men who are intelligent enough to go to a good university. And I’m afraid to say that, from my experience, it seems that good old fashioned sexism is alive and kicking.

An example. A male friend (who shall remain nameless) came into my flat after a night out – I hadn’t gone out, they woke me up coming in. We sat in the kitchen chatting, and somehow we ended up in a debate about sexism. He said a lot of stupid things that didn’t make much sense and could probably be put down to drink, and I didn’t take him too seriously at first. The point where I got so angry that I had to leave, was when we were talking about discrimination in the workplace, and he started to defend an employer’s decision to hire a man over an equally qualified woman. He actually said the words ‘But women are a lot more emotionally volatile than men.’ And when my jaw dropped in sheer disbelief he said ‘No it’s a biological fact. Men don’t have PMT.’ This ridiculous attitude made me seriously wonder for a second whether I was in the 1950s. It’s the same old sexist bigotry that our mothers and grandmothers had to put up with, and that is just one example. There have been countless occasions this year when I’ve gasped in amazement at ridiculous things boys say, or sexist jokes that sound like they belong in a Carry On film. When they see how angry I am they almost always say ‘Oh I don’t mean it! I’m not sexist honestly.’ But these jokes and ideas don’t come from nowhere, they must come from a belief on some level that – at best – it is OK to be disrespectful to women, or that we genuinely are in some way inferior.

But it’s not just the same old sexism young women are facing. My generation are dealing with all kinds of pressures that weren’t there (or at least not in the same ways) for our parents. For example, in a culture where young people are increasingly having casual sex, you would think that we would be done with the whole ‘slag’ business. Instead we have a bizarre double standard where a guy who sleeps with a lot of girls is high-fived by his friends and called a ‘lad’, while a girl who does the same thing is judged to be a ‘slag’, ‘slut’ or any number of vile words. The same guys who want to have a lot of sex with a lot of different girls will say that they don’t want to get with a slag, or say things like ‘she’s a slag, but I still would.’ This is infuriating and unfair. In a culture where young men are exposed to a LOT of porn, girls are expected to be pretty but sexy, respectable but promiscuous, a ‘lady’ and a porn star. You’re a slag if you do, and a cock tease if you don’t. And when I explain this to the ‘lads’ I know, they don’t get it at all.

There are some young men who aren’t like this, of course. But from what I can tell, they are a tiny minority and are judged by the ‘lads’ as not being ‘laddish’ enough. It’s not cool to treat women with respect, or have a go at your mates for telling a sexist joke. I can’t put my finger on exactly what has led to this awful situation, it’s probably a combination of things. All I know is that I’m sick of it, and it’s ridiculous that it happens. If people talked about gays, black people or immigrants the way some men talk about women, people in general would (quite rightly) be shocked and angry. And yet we live in a society where Eminem can say: ‘Every last woman on Earth I’ll kill off, and I still wouldn’t f*ck you, slut’ and

‘nice bra
Hope it’ll fit a tough titty, bitch
Life’s hard, I swear to God, life is a dumb blonde white broad
With fake tits and a bad dye job
Who just spit in my f*ckin’ face and called me a f*ckin’ tightwad
So finally I broke down and bought her an iPod
And caught her stealin’ my music, so I tied her arms and legs to the bed
Set up the camera and pissed twice on her
Look, two pees and a tripod!’

I don’t believe that every young man who hears those lyrics will go out and re-enact them, but they help to reinforce this culture where it is OK to say awful, misogynistic things. I really hope that there will be a time when women are treated as human beings worthy of respect, but sometimes when I look around at my peers, and think of the attitudes they will pass on to their children, I wonder if we will ever get there.

[Note: Those Eminem lyrics are from his verse in the Nicki Minaj song Roman's Revenge if anyone's interested.]